bettydays:

I have a story.

So my sister got run over by a car once. It was a pretty big deal. Well like a year later she got into a little fender bender and was really bent out of shape about it, so I went and got her a cake. 

image

When I put in my order for the cake, the guy at the bakery asked, “Do you want it to say anything?”

And with a perfectly straight face, I said, “‘Sorry you got hit by a car again.’”

He narrowed his eyes a moment, then nodded and wrote it down, and took it to kitchen to get the writing done.

All the way from the back of the kitchen, I hear a woman shout, “‘Again’?!”

(Source: toocooltobehipster, via thegraywizard)

brused:

cassbones:

inspookableassghosts:

you have a fundamental misunderstanding of how math works

hey that means charity will also get unlimited money so I’m game

so both charity and I get unlimited money, sounds like a win win situation.
me: halloween is coming soon
mom: it's july
me:
me: halloween is coming soon
powder-tothepeople:

I haven’t seen either of the purge movies but i’ve heard they’re both terrible. i like the concept though, and cool gif lol

taco-marco:

staff:

starting today all blogs without the following image will be deleted within 24 hours

image

i’m not even afraid of deletion. i just want this image on my blog

(Source: dddderrnsuree, via unicorns-fartrainbows)

yzma:

the chicken from season 1 is more important than larry

(via unicorns-fartrainbows)

when youre at a concert does it suddenly hit you at random moments that the band are real people and not just pictures on the internet

(Source: tragicalien, via unicorns-fartrainbows)

the-goddamazon:

nelliwolfram:

Cutie and the Beast

The last one is my favorite <3 

MY HEART

(via hidden-child)

psychoticmist:

if you ever feel bad about yourself remember that george bush was once informed that 4 brazilian people were killed in iraq and he responded ‘how many is a brazilian’

(via hidden-child)

maidenmothercronus:

inconvenientlylargelizard:

HOW TO CHEER UP IN 2 EASY STEPS

  1. WHISPER “BEEP BOOP” TO YOURSELF.
  2. REPEAT UNTIL NOT SAD.

((BUT WHY DOES THIS WORK??????))

(via unicorns-fartrainbows)

10scompanion:

manafromheaven:

sherlock-awa-holmes:

Just to clarify 

WAIT WHAT FUCKING COOL

YOU GO SAM

neveragoodtimeforgoodbye:

yungtraplvrd:

SOMEONE TELL ME WHO THIS IS IMMEDIATELY 

That’s Bo Burnham. He has a comedy special called What.

(Source: loganismine-sorry, via hidden-child)

stacksbreadup:

This deadass the funniest tweet ever.

sallysimpsun:

PLZZ

(Source: kingofredlyons, via boombang8)

victory-sashes:

FUCK I JUST SPAT OUT MY FUCKING RAMEN
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